Yesterday was the Fourth of July. When I awoke I realized no one would probably be coming to work, so I tried to plan my day accordingly. The usual household chores and getting some extra rest was on the list. I would have liked to plan a gathering with my family but they have about outgrown me, doing things with their own family and friends. I realize that if a person keeps a busy social life or having friends around, one must cultivate it and invite people in for different events, a meal, tea in the back yard, cards, etc. I haven’t been too good at that.
I began the day longing for family. I thought of my mother, dead these many years. I haven’t thought of her for quite a while. Suddenly, I wanted my Mama.
I thought of the eating program I had begun. Maybe that was what was bothering me. I usually keep very busy and use food for a suppressant and comfort. When I am doing these things, I don’t let memories from the past slip in. Memories of difficult times, of not enough nurturing when I was a child. But no matter, I am an adult now and make my own choices, choices for happiness. Gratitude is my constant companion when I see the good life I live and the provisions God has given me.
But there is a sadness. I think not being able to eat comfort foods will open my emotions in ways I have kept pushed down in the past.
What do I do with them? I think I must face them and nurture myself with other things. Helping others gives me comfort. Looking upon God’s creation also brings me pleasure. Loving myself and giving myself a healthy body and spirit is a treasure in itself.
I ended the night by going to my grandson’s house and watching them set off fireworks. I had a good time, and was grateful they didn’t burn down the pasture behind the house.