Longing for Family

Yesterday was the Fourth of July.  When I awoke I realized no one would probably be coming to work, so I tried to plan my day accordingly.  The usual household chores and getting some extra rest was on the list.  I would have liked to plan a gathering with my family but they have about outgrown me, doing things with their own family and friends.  I realize that if a person keeps a busy social life or having friends around, one must cultivate it and invite people in for different events, a meal, tea in the back yard, cards, etc.  I haven’t been too good at that.

I began the day longing for family.  I thought of my mother, dead these many years.  I haven’t thought of her for quite a while.  Suddenly, I wanted my Mama.

I thought of the eating program I had begun.  Maybe that was what was bothering me.  I usually keep very busy and use food for a suppressant and comfort.  When I am doing these things, I don’t let memories from the past slip in.  Memories of difficult times, of not enough nurturing when I was a child.  But no matter, I am an adult now and make my own choices, choices for happiness.  Gratitude is my constant companion when I see the good life I live and the provisions God has given me.

But there is a sadness.  I think not being able to eat comfort foods will open my emotions in ways I have kept pushed down in the past.

What do I do with them?  I think I must face them and nurture myself with other things.  Helping others gives me comfort.  Looking upon God’s creation also brings me pleasure.  Loving myself and giving myself a healthy body and spirit is a treasure in itself.

I ended the night by going to my grandson’s house and watching them set off fireworks.  I had a good time, and was grateful they didn’t burn down the pasture behind the house.