I try to live right and do good, but I know I am but one step, one word away from slipping. I get frustrated. I get angry. I get tired of waiting for God to act in my behalf. Most times I can discipline myself and think of the ways I can solve a problem without having to be ashamed of my behavior later, but there are those times I throw caution to the wind and let my baser side have that moment of freedom to spill out. I don’t think I can ever stand with confidence that I am a righteous person.
I think David felt the same way in Psalm 119, if he was the one to write that segment:
“Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.
Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart— they do no wrong but follow his ways.
You have laid down precept that are to be fully obeyed.
Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees!
Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands.
I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws.
I will obey your decrees, do not utterly forsake me.”
I find I am most susceptible when I have allowed anger and resentment to build up without dealing with it. It is so easy to just sweep minor annoyances under the rug, so to speak, until one day the lump is so large I stumble over it. Another obstacle is when I put off following God’s direction too long because I just don’t want to handle change. Routine is so comfortable to me.
Yet, I know deep down in my heart that God finds me precious even with my shortcomings and procrastinations. I continue to be astounded at how He forgives, and accepts us as we are, and always gives us a chance to do better. (I also believe God may indeed run out of patience with the truly rebellious.)
I also know I might not feel righteous, but righteousness is mine for I am tucked away inside the righteousness of Jesus, who has enough for all of us who believe in Him.